Shake Hands With or Hug the Person Next to You

We’ve all seen it. Perhaps we’ve even done it ourselves. A congregation is gathered together and the person making the announcements or the preacher asks everyone to turn around and shake hands with the person next to them; or hug someone, tell them you love them and let them know you’re glad they’re here. What exactly is the purpose and value of such “group greetings?”

NOT TALKING ABOUT SIN!

It is not wrong to greet one another. It is not wrong to encourage a group to greet one another. Greetings are important in the church. Romans 16:16, 1 Corinthians 16:20, 2 Corinthians 13:12, Philippians 4:21, 1 Thessalonians 5:26, and 1 Peter 5:14 all command us to greet one another.

Of course, such group greetings are not part of our worship, and we should take care not to confuse our greetings with an act of worship. It is also important to keep our worship assemblies orderly. But we openly acknowledge that it is necessary and important to greet each other when we come together.

NOT A QUESTION OF MOTIVES

We do not want to question the motives of those who ask others to “turn around and hug someone.” This can be done from the best of motives, for the purpose of encouraging greater closeness and interaction and fulfilling the above commands.

IS THIS REALLY THE ANSWER?

This gets us to the real question: Do these group-greetings actually cause greater closeness and love between the saints? Can they possibly be the fulfillment of God’s commands to “greet one another?”

Are we to believe that a loving congregation needs to have a “group greeting” in order to greet one another? What exactly is the need that is met by such collective greetings?

If a congregation doesn’t greet each other except in a collective way when prompted by the announcement maker, they have big problems that won’t be solved by a group greeting. Christians are to “consider one another” (Hebrews 10:24) and have love as a “perfect bond” between them (Colossians 3:14). If we are distant and cold in our dealings with each other, how can “all men know” our discipleship by the evidence of our love (John 13:35)?

If we are not really cold and distant from each other, if we regularly and consistently make a sincere attempt to greet and acknowledge one another, what purpose is served by encouraging these types of stilted and artificial group greetings?

WHAT ABOUT PEOPLE WHO MAY FEEL LEFT OUT?

It is true that sometimes people feel left out. It is true that sometimes we get busy and we don’t greet everyone. And sometimes this can be misinterpreted as a lack of love and concern. Sometimes people feel slighted. We all have heard complaints of a lack of friendliness, and such criticisms are not always unfair or unwarranted.

But, are we to understand that a person may be sitting in our assembly, feeling unnoticed, left out, and even slighted, and somehow he will feel better because the person next to him turns and greets him only after being prompted to do so? Does this even come close to filling the “friendliness gap” that we sometimes inadvertently have? Would you really feel loved and greeted if those around you only greet you when they are reminded and told to do so?

THE REAL ANSWER

We should address ourselves to the real problem. We need to be reminded to love each other, to greet each other, to give up self-centered attitudes and cliques that interfere with loving interaction. And, we need to teach people not to feel slighted just because someone fails to greet them. After all, there could be any number of reasons this happens.

But if we learn the lessons of love, if we pattern ourselves after the one who showed perfect love, stilted artificial, awkward group greetings will be totally unnecessary.

We need to consider these passages:

Philippians 2:1-4. “If there be therefore any consolation in Christ, if any comfort of love, if any fellowship of the Spirit, if any bowels and mercies, Fulfil ye my joy, that ye be likeminded, having the same love, being of one accord, of one mind. Let nothing be done through strife or vainglory; but in lowliness of mind let each esteem other better than themselves. Look not every man on his own things, but every man also on the things of others.”

Ephesians 4:1-3. “I therefore, the prisoner of the Lord, beseech you that ye walk worthy of the vocation wherewith ye are called, With all lowliness and meekness, with longsuffering, forbearing one another in love; Endeavouring to keep the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace.”

Ephesians 4:32-5:2. “And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ’s sake hath forgiven you. Be ye therefore followers of God, as dear children; And walk in love, as Christ also hath loved us, and hath given himself for us an offering and a sacrifice to God for a sweetsmelling savour.” 

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