Remarriage Parameters

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Question 1: Is there any way a man can scripturally divorce his wife apart from adultery on her part?          

ANSWER: No! "But I say unto you, whosoever shall put away his wife, except it be for fornication, and shall marry another, committeth adultery: and whosoever marrieth her which is put away doth commit adultery" (Matthew 19:9). The word fornication means any kind of unlawful sexual activity! The word except means if and only if!

 

Question 2: A woman has been involved in an adulterous relationship with a married man. The man's wife has died. Is the woman now free to scripturally marry the widower?

ANSWER: If the widower and the woman with whom he had been involved were not previously married or married, but scripturally divorced, i.e., for the cause of forni­cation, and both truly repent, then they may scripturally marry (Matthew 5:32; Matthew 19:1-9; Romans 7:1-3).

 

Question 3: Upon being divorced from her first husband, a woman mar­ried a second man, who is now dead. She desired to return to her first husband, but couldn't since he had already remarried. Can she with God's approval marry another? Another Christian?

ANSWER. She cannot marry under either case with God's approval, unless the divorce from her first husband was for the cause of fornication, in which she was the to­tally innocent party (Matthew 5:32; Matthew 19:1-9).

 

Question 4: Can one be forgiven while remaining in a second marriage after having committed adultery and divorcing the first spouse?

ANSWER: No! The one described above has no right to the spouse of the second marriage and continues in a state of adultery! He or she can only be forgiven if repen­tance is forthcoming (Luke 17:3), which would involve dissolution of the relationship. Both persons in this relationship will continue in sin as long as the relationship exists.

 

Question 5: Would the person described in the preceding question have to live as a single person the rest of his or her life?

ANSWER: This person would have to remain single or return to the first spouse! A person may be married a second time upon the death of their spouse (Romans 7:1-3) or if he or she is the totally innocent party in a previous marriage having divorced his or her spouse "for the cause of fornication" (Matthew 5:32; Matthew 19:9). Except for these two reasons, "second marriages" are nothing more than adulterous relationships. All participants who continue in such will not inherit the kingdom of God (I Corinthians 6: 9-11).

 

Question 6: If a married couple (professing Christians), with children, accepts the truth that their marriage is not scriptural (each having left their previous mates with­out scriptural cause), may they, with God's approval, remain in the marriage with the proviso that they abstain from sexual activity? Some so teach today!

ANSWER: For many, many reasons, no! Since it is a fact that marriage neither begins nor ends with the initiation or cessation of sexual activity, the relationship sug­gested by the querist remains an unscriptural marriage; that a man and woman are living in a marriage relationship, whether sex is involved or not! Paul tells us that in a marriage relationship (I Corinthians 7:1-5) there is to be sexual obligation one to the other. The querist's suggestion to the contrary is, 'continue the marriage relationship exactly as be­fore, but ignore the sexual obligation and be pleasing to God!' Clearly, there has been an unapproved, unscriptural joining together of two people in which God had no part! It does not follow then, that man is not permitted to put asunder that which God hath joined together (Matthew 19:6), while, at the same time, he, as suggested, is permitted to join together (or perpetuate) that in which God has no part, simply by saying, "just stop hav­ing sex!" The inspired apostle said in I Corinthians 7:10-12, "Let not the wife depart from her husband: But and if she depart let her remain unmarried, or be reconciled to her hus­band!" He did not say, 'Let her enter into and/or remain in a sex-free marriage!" This un­godly marriage re­mains a marriage irrespective of sexual activity and, additionally, both participants remain in sin until the relationship is dissolved! Cessation of sex is not equal to "remaining unmarried," neither to dissolution, necessary to comply with the term!

Of those who hold that it is scriptural to remain in such a relationship, how many would agree that upon studying with an alien sinner in the same situation, that in addition to recommend­ing dissolution accompanied with the scriptural options of returning to the first mate or remaining single, that a another option now be suggested, i.e., "we can baptize you into Christ and you can remain married, just stop having sex." Sounds ridiculous, but what is the difference? I personally know of an elderly Christian man and woman who wanted to marry, but were told that such was improper, because the woman involved di­vorced for reasons other than fornication. They accepted the truth and are now faithfully serving God. It is doubtful that, because of age, that sex would have played a part in their pro­posed marriage under normal circumstances. Were we wrong in not providing the proposed option, i.e., "sure, you can get married, since you're too old to have sex?" "In fact, we'll have our preacher per­form the ceremony right here in the building!" Why not tell our elderly folks who are hurting for companionship to go out and marry any "moral" man you want (regardless of prior divorces and relationships), "as long as it's solely for com­panionship and no sex is in­volved!" We all know of very notable, capable, faithful Gos­pel preachers whose wives have long-since forsaken them. Would the same rules apply to them? Would it be accept­able if one of these great men suddenly announced he was going to get married, but he wasn't going to engage in sex with his new bride. Would we be consistent in our suggestions? Who would believe it? How many not in the church would believe it? How many would be wonder­ing, "Will he and his new bride really abstain?" How many elders would be inviting him to speak? How many lectureships would he be invited to speak on? Would it be dif­ferent for these! If so, why? 

In relationships as suggested by the querist, it is very often true that neighbors, friends, and relatives know the "facts" involved with prior marriages, but do not know that the affected couple is abstaining from sex. First of all, there is in these situations an element of sinful hypocrisy and intent to deceive (which is a lie)! Any activity or rela­tionship that must be kept "undercover" by Christians is faulty! When neighbors and relatives are deceived (whether intentional or not) into thinking that such relationships are approved of God, what by implication and example is being taught? Does such glorify God? Surely, there are those who have been led to believe error (perhaps even fatally) by such unscriptural ex­amples.

Some would say, however, "we feel it's best for the children." What about cou­ples who have no children? Do the same rules apply? What rule says that the children cannot be loved and properly taken care of if the unscriptural marriage is legally and scripturally dissolved! What rule says that this unscripturally married couple may live to­gether, pre­tending that their marriage is approved of God? What rationale concludes that it is "best" to permit two people who have no right to each other to live in a private, se­cluded, and often intimate setting? Can they really pray, "lead us not into temptation?" How does this square up with I Corinthians 7:1-5? Would not such ones, in light of this passage, be better off living alone minus the evident and apparent intimacy? It may or may not be more difficult to separate, but that is not the issue! Could it be that more em­phasis is in reality directed to "saving face" with less embarrassment and the assurance of financial security? There is no doubt that there is a vital and scriptural obligation that provisions (spiritually and physically) be made for involved children. However, I fail to see how it would be "best" for children to see their parents violating scripture; playing the role of "pretenders;" and being taught that it is okay and proper for a married couple (Mom and Dad) to abstain from "sleeping" together, while every one thinks they are! The scriptures, notwithstand­ing, there can be little doubt that such will, to some degree (perhaps significantly) result in negative psychological impact on the children. We need to quit worrying about "upsetting the apple cart" and just do that which is honest, open, and scriptural. Nothing could be better for the children (and Mom and Dad) than that! 

 

Question 7: Would it be scriptural for a Christian to remarry after his wife had departed with the statement that she was just baptized, but did not believe?

ANSWER: The Scriptures are binding upon all people everywhere, whether they are Christians or not! If the divorce was not "for the cause of fornication" (Matthew 5:32; Matthew 19:9), neither the husband nor the wife can scripturally remarry. If the "cause" for the divorce was fornication, with one party being totally innocent (that is, he or she did not contribute in any way to the guilty party's sin), the innocent one is free to remarry.

 

Question 8: I committed adultery during my first marriage of which my wife had no knowledge. She pursued a divorce that I did not contest. I married another woman with whom I had a child. Does my adultery during the first marriage mean that I cannot be married to my present wife?

ANSWER: The reason that you cannot be scripturally married to the second woman is because it is an adulterous relationship! Although you were guilty of adultery during the first marriage, your wife (not knowing) did not put you away for "the cause of fornication" (Matthew 5:32). Matthew19:9 tells us that the second marriage in both in­stances, hers (if she remarried) and yours, are adulterous. Had she put you away because of adultery, she then, as the innocent party, would have had the right of remarriage. You, as the guilty party, would not have had the right of remarriage. Your options in order to be right with God are: (1) repent and, if possible, return to your first wife, while making provisions for the child born to the second women, or (2) repent and live a righteous, celi­bate life, while arranging for the child(ren). All adult parties involved need, as well, to repent! Please read carefully Matthew 19:3-12.

Certainly, the consequences of sin in this life are difficult for all of us, but just as certain is the fact that bending of the will to His, in this and all matters, will be well worth it all in eternity when this short life is over! Know, too, that God stands willing to forgive all things of which we repent!

 

Question 9: A man has divorced his wife and married another woman. Can the man leave his second wife and return to his first wife, when the first wife now has a friend?

ANSWER: If the man divorced his first wife for the cause of fornication and was scripturally joined in marriage to the second wife, he cannot! If he did, he would be sin­ning by divorcing the second wife (to whom he was joined by God) without scriptural cause and by committing adultery with his ex-wife (Matthew19:3-9)! If he divorced his first wife without scriptural cause, he sinned, and then compounded the sin by commit­ting adultery with his second partner in a marriage not approved of by God. In this case, Scripture demands that he repent by leaving the second partner and returning to the first. If it is the case that the first wife has "a friend" (I assume this means that unlawful sex is taking place), she and the "friend" are committing the sin of adultery. The first wife and the "friend" need to repent and discontinue the relationship or they are both going to be lost eternally. If there was not scriptural cause for the original divorce, the first wife and the husband need to reunite. If circumstances prohibit a reunion, then both the husband and the wife must remain single and celibate (Matthew 19:9). 

 

Question 10: A man divorces his wife for unscriptural reasons and marries a woman from another place who is already married (her first husband knows nothing of it). The woman becomes a Christian. The man divorces her and is finally reconciled to his first wife. Is he right to do that?

ANSWER: God did not join the man and the second woman together (Matthew 19:6-9). This arrangement was clearly adulterous. Therefore, both participants needed to truly repent and return to their first mates. A question left to ponder is, ‘Did the man truly repent or did he return to his first wife simply because the second woman became a "Christian" and rejected him?’ The action of this man in returning to his first wife is scripturally correct, but to be right with God he must also be sorrowfully penitent for his ungodliness! Another question for consideration is, ‘Did the second woman become a "Christian" while living impenitently in the adulterous situation?’ If so, her baptism was invalid, because true scriptural repentance must precede scriptural baptism. In other words, the second woman did not become a New Testament Christian unless, prior to her baptism, she first repented of (sorrowfully turned away from) her adultery!

 

Question 11: Can one scripturally marry the divorced wife of a polygamist?

ANSWER: Polygamy (plural marriages) is sin! God has ordained from the beginning that marriage is between only two people, one man and one woman, until separated by death (Matthew 19:4-6; Romans 7:1-3). When a man and woman are scripturally married and other people enter that relationship, all of those who are actively involved do so without the blessing of God. All who knowingly participate in such a marriage are in sin as long as it continues. The above passages demand that those others who have entered that relationship be excluded from it, and that all who have participated come to repentance. Whether or not the divorced wife (of the first marriage) can be remarried must be determined by scripture. If the wife divorced the husband because of his adulterous relationship with the other women, then she is free to marry again. However, if she divorced him for any other reason, she would not be free to remarry. Though the wife may be the innocent one, if her husband divorces her for his own reasons, she still does not have the right of remarriage (Matthew 19:3-12). She does, however, have the right to remarry her husband if, at the time of remarriage, they, otherwise, have a scriptural right to do so.

Hopefully, the first marriage in the relationship under discussion was entered according to biblical teaching. It is certain that God did not approve the following "marriages," though perhaps approved by local and state government. This is to say that though God may have joined the first wife and the husband together (Matthew 19:6), He certainly did not join the following wives to this one husband! All of the following marriages are, therefore, nothing more than adulterous relationships, which must be dissolved and repented of, if those involved are to become heirs to the kingdom of God (I Corinthians 6:9-11).

God's commandment that a divorced person cannot marry another is directed only to those whom "God hath joined together" and whom "man has put asunder" (Matthew 19:6-9). In other words, this commandment does not apply to those involved in adulterous relationships or "marriages" in which God had no part in the "joining together." Therefore, a person involved in an unscriptural physical union, with or without state approval, (whether as married or unmarried) and who, with penitent action, severs that relationship to the pleasing of God, he or she may marry another, if both, otherwise, have a scriptural to marry.

 

Question 12: Can a married couple (previously faithful) who now lives together, but has no marriage certificate of any sort, separate, remarry each other, confess sin publicly, and be accepted by the local church?

ANSWER: If the man and woman are not scripturally and legally married they are not living in a God ordained marriage, but are in a sinful relationship! They, indeed, need to sever the relationship, repent of their wickedness, and pray God, if perhaps the thoughts of their hearts may be forgiven (Acts 8:22). At this point, they should be accepted in full fellowship as brother and sister in Christ, since they will have done what God demands. If each is then scripturally free to marry, and do so, then they should be accepted as husband and wife!

 

Question 13: The following situation occurs: A man and woman are married. Neither are Christians. The man obeys the gospel and, because of this, the woman asks for a divorce. No adultery has taken place at this point. An agreement is reached to enter a trial period wherein neither would marry and attempts at reconciliation would be made. During the trial period the woman commits adultery. The divorce takes place and the man remarries.

The specific questions:

1. Does God approve of a divorce without Bible reason?

2. Does He approve of the six weeks that Lawyers

sometimes give?

3. Is the man committing adultery in his second marriage?

ANSWERS:

1. No! Matthew 5:32; Matthew 19:9. "except (if, and only if) it be for the cause of fornication."

2. There is one reason given in God's Word whereby a scripturally married couple may forego the sexual responsibility that each has to the other, i.e., for spiritual reasons: "for a time that ye may give yourselves to fasting and prayer" (I Corin­thians 7:5). The reason for not going beyond this is that one may, in any other case or for any other reason, be tempted by Satan to sin, as may be the instance in the situation at hand.

3. Matthew 19:9. "Whosoever shall put away his wife, except it be for fornication, and shall marry another, committeth adultery . . ."

There are necessary questions of vital concern to the man in question:

(First): Did he truly divorce his wife for the "cause" of fornication? Was he to­tally the innocent party or did he someway contribute to his wife's infidelity? If the man in no way contributed to his wife's sin and divorced her for the specific "cause" of her fornication, then (and only then) would he be free to marry another. However, he could only marry another who had not been married before, or one who had been previously married and who had divorced her first husband for the "cause" of fornication, she being totally innocent and a non-contributor to his unfaithfulness, otherwise the second mar­riage would be adulterous.

(Second): If the man in question did not truly divorce his wife for the "cause" of fornication or if he in some way contributed to his wife's unfaithfulness, he would not be free to remarry another. If he did marry another under this condition, he would be an adulterer, and she whom he married an adulteress, as long as they remained in the second marriage! The scriptural choices under this second condition are: (a) remain single or (b) be reconciled to the first partner.

 

Question 14: Does the innocent party of Matthew 19:9 have the right of remarriage? If so, would this not constitute adultery and polygamy?

ANSWER: Yes! The innocent party is given the right of remarriage on the basis of the exception clause of Matthew 19:9: “except for fornication.” The exception clause means that a person is not subject to that from which he has been excepted! For example, an official in a Road Construction organization may say, “All employees who do not take and pass our new continuing education course in Road Design and Repair, except for those who can show evidence of having completed the course elsewhere, are those employees who will not realize an increase in salary this year.” What this means is that all employees must complete and pass the organization’s new course in Road Design and Repair in order to realize an increase in salary. However, it also means that there are certain employees who do not have to take the new course in order to realize an increase in salary. So then, we understand that these employees, on the basis of the exception clause, are excepted from taking the new course.

Applying the same thinking to Matthew 19:9, we have: “One who puts away a mate and marries another commits adultery. However, those who put away their mate for fornication are an exception and, therefore, these do not commit adultery upon remarriage.” The intent of the exception clause in this verse may perhaps be seen more clearly in the following phrase, which is identical in thrust: “Whosoever puts away a mate for fornication and marries another does not commit adultery.” In either case the result and meaning is the same!

Further, if such a one is not committing adultery upon remarriage, then it is the case that such a one is not a polygamist, which also evidences the fact that divorce for the cause of fornication is equal to a severance of the marriage bond.

We need to be very careful that we do not bind that which the scriptures do no bind (Matthew 15:1-9; Revelation 22:18-19)!

 

Question 15: Can a man scripturally remarry if his ex-spouse has remarried twice since the divorce? I have read Matthew 19:9 and understand the passage to mean that if they were divorced for reasons other than sexual immorality and he remarries both the man and the woman that he took as his wife (2^nd & 3^rd) would be guilty of adultery.

ANSWER: I assume that the divorce was mutual, i.e., both wanted it and both agreed to it! If so, your analysis of the verse is correct! "But I say unto you, whosoever shall put away his wife, except it be for fornication, and shall marry another, committeth adultery: and whosoever marrieth her which is put away doth commit adultery" (Matthew 19:9). “But I say unto you, that whosoever shall put away his wife, saving for the cause of fornication, causeth her to commit adultery: and whosoever shall marry her that is divorced committeth adultery” (Matthew 5:32). The word “cause” refers to a person, thing, or event that makes something happen. The word “fornication” means any kind of unlawful sexual activity! The word “except” means if and only if! Therefore, no other “cause” exists for God-approved divorce and remarriage. “The cause” must precede that which is a consequence or effect of “the cause.” It is in error to conclude that the action of a divorce and remarriage “caused” by something other than fornication, can scripturally be assigned a new or replacement cause (in this case “the cause of fornication”) at a later date, though fornication may occur after the “putting away.” The principle is as applicable to the innocent party as it is to the guilty one, i.e., “ . . . causeth her to commit adultery: and whosoever shall marry her that is (has been) divorced (without the “cause” of fornication, but by some other “cause”) committeth adultery! Fornication that may occur subsequent to the initial “cause” of a divorce does not free the innocent party from the scriptural consequence of an unscriptural divorce!

 

Question 16: If two people are in a second marriage and later find out that it is not scriptural for them to be married because one of the original divorces was not for fornication, can they ask forgiveness and remain married to each other in the second marriage?

ANSWER: Forgiveness cannot be granted unless there is first repentance (Luke 17:3). Repentance is more than just saying, “I’m sorry!” It involves a cessation of the sin in which one is engaged. A second marriage as you describe it is, simply put, an adulterous relationship, according to our Lord’s statement in Matthew 19:9 and Paul’s statement in Romans 7:1-3. The relationship of which you inquire is unscriptural (as you note and suggest), and, therefore, sinful! As the thief must stop stealing in repentance (Ephesians 4:28), all sinners must stop sinning (I Corinthians 6:11) in repentance, just so the adulterer, in repentance, must stop sinning. Those who have been risen with Christ from the baptismal waters (Colossians 2:12; Colossians 3:1) are instructed to mortify or put to death the sins (Colossians 3:5) in which they once “lived.” It is noted that one of the sins of Verse five in which some had lived was “fornication” or “sexual immorality.” Persons having lived in “sexual immorality” were and are told here to put that activity to death. In other words, “stop doing it,” “die to it,” “separate from it.” That adultery is also “fornication” or “sexual immorality,” falling under and within that general heading and instruction, can be seen in the definition of the Greek word “porneia,” translated “fornication” or “sexual immorality” (fornication, harlotry, adultery, incest – Strong’s Number 4202). It also can be seen quite clearly in the sexually immoral “act” in which the woman of John 8:1-11 had been engaged, i.e., the “act” of adultery (Verse four). Adultery is clearly sinful! It cannot continue to be engaged in today because one says he is sorry he engaged in it yesterday! Such is not repentance. It is only acknowledgement. It was sin before the realization and acknowledgement and will continue to be sin, if engaged in, after the realization and acknowledgement. Forgiveness will be granted when, and only when, the sin is penitently put to death!

 

Question 17: The situation: (1) A married couple agrees to a divorce and each are living separate lives; (2) One gets remarried and, thereby, enters an adulterous relationship. May the other, on the basis of this adulterous relationship, scripturally remarry?

ANSWER: No! The other may not scripturally do so! Why would it be proper to call the marriage of the first partner “adulterous” and not call the marriage of the other partner “adulterous?” If it’s adultery for one, it’s adultery for both. The fact that the divorce was “agreed to” points to the fact that the separation was not “for the cause of fornication” and that both are equally guilty of “putting asunder that which God hath joined together!” There is no innocent party in the matter! God does not reward sin!

 

Question 18: A woman guilty of multiple accounts of adultery left her husband. After a year’s separation she decided to formally divorce her husband. She then married the man with whom she was committing adultery. While married to this man, her first husband died. She has been told that since her first husband died, she can scripturally remain with her second mate. Is this true? I thought she had forfeited her right to remarriage!

ANSWER: A person divorced for some reason other than for the cause of fornication in which they are totally innocent and then marries another commits adultery! The force of the latter part of Matthew 19:9 is that such a one “keeps on” committing adultery as long as they are in that relationship. I fail to see how the death of a previous mate can turn an adulterous relationship into a sacred God-approved relationship! Can the death of an unscripturally divorced mate turn an evil activity into a righteous activity? Of course not! Consider: (a) On the first night of an illicit marriage not recognized by God (since He was not a participant), the man and woman in the adulterous relationship sin by engaging in sexual activity; (b) The first innocent mate having been unscripturally put away and no longer involved in any way with one of the guilty adulterers dies on the second night! (c) On the third night, the adulterers do the same thing that they did the first night, but this time it’s not a sin? Absurd! If it was a sin on the first night, it is also a sin on the third night. Same activity, same sin! Death will dissolve a marriage (Romans 7:1 3), but the first marriage of which you speak was already unscripturally dissolved by an adulteress “before” the death of her innocent husband occurred! The subsequent death of her first mate did not dissolve the first marriage! Her sin did it! His death cannot be retroactively applied to that ungodly dissolution, neither can it turn their adulterous relationship into a holy, pure, God-approved marriage! She remains an adulteress and will remain so as long she continues her unscriptural relationship. The same is true of the one with whom she beds!

 

 

 

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