International Bible Teaching Ministries
Life after Divorce
Question 1: If there are children involved in a second adulterous relationship, what is the responsibility toward them?
ANSWER: Sadly, the earthly consequences of sin often bring hurt and sorrow to many. However, children caught up in an adulterous relationship do not provide an excuse for continuation of the adultery. Nonetheless, that they are to be provided for by those who brought them into this world is without doubt (Ephesians 6:4; I Timothy 5:8).
Question 2: If a divorced man, who has a great family with a second wife, accepts the Gospel, do I have a scriptural right to baptize him?
ANSWER: If the divorce from the first wife was for the "cause of fornication" (Matthew 5:32), with the man being totally innocent, and, if the second wife had a scriptural right to marry, he may be scripturally baptized. If the divorce was not "for the cause of fornication," then the man and his second wife are living in adultery. Neither of these could scripturally be baptized without first repenting (Acts 2:38). This means that their marriage, in which God took no part, would first have to be dissolved. Even if the divorce from the first wife was "for the cause of fornication," if the second wife had no scriptural right to marry, both would still be living in adultery. This situation would also demand repentance prior to scriptural baptism.
Question 3: If a woman divorces her husband for the cause of fornication and marries again, what advice would you give the second husband?
ANSWER: "Fear God and keep His commandments: for this is the whole duty of man" (Ecclesiastes 12:13)!
Question 4: If one divorces and remarries without scriptural authority (that is, for the cause of fornication) can that person continue in fellowship with the church because he or she happens to attend services regularly or he or she has more money than most others?
ANSWER: No! The person you describe is committing adultery and the one he or she is living with is committing adultery (Matthew 19:9)! No matter how often (or how long) one may attend services; no matter how much money one may have (or how much one may give), that person is living in sin (Colossians 3:5-7), and will continue to do so, until he or she repents. This involves being sorry for the sin committed; getting out of the ungodly relationship; confessing the sin before God and the brethren; and praying for forgiveness (Acts 8:22). The one who caused the divorce needs to return to his or her first mate, if the first mate is willing to forgive! If not, this person can no longer scripturally remarry, but must remain single! If the person refuses to repent, after every attempt is made to win his or her soul again, it is commanded of God that fellowship of the brethren be withdrawn, so that the guilty one's soul might be saved in the day of the Lord Jesus (I Corinthians 5).
Question 5: If a Christian man divorces his wife and impregnates a second woman, should the church stop him from doing church duties?
ANSWER: If the Christian man divorced his wife for any cause other than fornication on her part, he has sinned! He also sinned, having committed fornication, when he impregnated the second woman. This man needs to respond as shown in the above answer. If he refuses to respond scripturally, he also needs to be disciplined; that is, fellowship needs to be taken from him. Until he responds according to God's Word, he should not be involved in any way with the congregation he has shamed! To permit such would be to bring even greater shame to the church and the Lord who died for him (Hebrews 10:26-29). If he scripturally repents, which will involve returning to his wife, he is to be restored to full fellowship (II Corinthians 2:6-8; Ephesians 4:32).
Question 6: If a Christian man divorces his wife and impregnates a second woman, can he continue with the second woman in order to keep her and the child from suffering?
ANSWER: No! The man (and the woman) would be continuing in adultery! In addition to his sinful action, he causes his wife to suffer! Why would it be right to cause one to suffer in order to keep another from suffering? Paul says in Galatians 5:19-21, that those who do "such things shall not inherit the kingdom of God." It appears that the idea of "keeping the woman and the child from suffering" is just an attempt to make sin beautiful! If this man is truly concerned about the woman, he will sever (cut off) the relationship with her, lest she (and he) live an eternity suffering in hell! That this one cannot scripturally continue with the woman, however, does not mean that the sinner has no responsibility to the woman and the child he fathered! Indeed, he does! In I Timothy 5:8, we learn that one who does not provide for his own "hath denied the faith and is worse than an infidel!"
Question 7: If the situation described in the above question is not solved after a long time, and if the divorced man continues with the impregnated woman, but wants to continue worshipping, should the local church just forget about it?
ANSWER: No! If the church "just forgets about it," they would, thereby, be sinning (being in danger of judgment), because they would be violating God's Word that commands that it not be forgotten, but rather that it must be dealt with (I Corinthians 5)! Remember always: I Corinthians 5 is not merely a suggestion. It is a commandment to which we must all be obedient! It is a way given of God so that souls can be saved!
Question 8: When a man and woman are divorced, but not for fornication, are they still married in God’s eyes?
ANSWER: When a man and a woman who are scripturally free to marry and then do so, they are joined together by God (Matthew 19:5). In Verse six of this passage, Christ said, “What therefore God has joined together let not man put asunder.” Though God has commanded that men not do such, it is obvious that men do disobey God and cause such to happen on earth. God, being all knowing, is surely aware that a divorce, as described in the question, has sinfully occurred. However, God did not approve of that divorce and the result of a subsequent marriage would be the same as the woman of Romans 7:1-3 who had two living husbands at the same time! When either the man or the woman, as set forth in the question, marries another, he or she becomes guilty of adultery, as was the case with the woman of Romans 7:1-3 who was twice married. In Verse three, though the woman is said to be “married” to a second man without God’s blessing, we note that the first man is still referred to as her husband! Clearly, God did not sanction the second marriage, but did recognize and sanction the first marriage for life. She had two husbands and, therefore, two marriages. God sanctioned the first husband and the first marriage, but did and would not sanction the second husband and the second marriage as long as the first husband lived! God, as the joiner of man and woman, participated in the first marriage, but not the second! In the case of those referred to in the question, God has joined the two together for life (Romans 7:1). If either of these two marry another, he or she will become an adulterer. Why? Because God joined this couple in marriage for life and man cannot change the facts in heaven through his disobedience on earth! The only way God will dissolve a marriage and recognize the divorce is “for the cause of fornication!” If not for fornication or death, the marriage goes on in the eyes of God! Neither of the two in the situation described above may marry again with heaven’s approval, unless they were to marry each other for the second time!
Question 9: May someone that has remarried become a preacher, elder (pastor), or deacon?
ANSWER: Yes, if the second marriage is scriptural! This is to say, if the man’s first wife has died (Romans 7:1-3) or he has divorced his first wife because she committed adultery and he was totally innocent in the matter. Jesus said, "But I say unto you, whosoever shall put away his wife, except it be for fornication, and shall marry another, committeth adultery: and whosoever marrieth her which is put away doth commit adultery" (Matthew 19:9). The word fornication means any kind of unlawful sexual activity! The word except means if and only if! If the man was divorced for any other reason than adultery on the part of his first wife and has married a second wife, both he and the second woman are living in adultery as sinners. In this state, the man cannot become a preacher, elder (pastor), or a deacon. In fact, the man cannot even become a Christian until he repents and gets out of the adulterous relationship. The same is true of the woman! As long as they live together under this condition, they are in sin and have no hope of heaven!
Question 10: Situation: (1) A man and woman were scripturally married; (2) The man wanted a divorce without scriptural grounds, i.e., fornication; (3) The man separated himself from a totally innocent woman who in no way contributed to, or caused, the separation, and who, during the period of separation, remained true to her marriage vows; (4) The totally innocent woman fought the divorce as hard as she possibly could; (5) The courts granted the divorce for unscriptural reasons; (6) The husband married another and, because of not having scriptural grounds for leaving his first wife, entered an adulterous relationship. Is the wife free to remarry now that her husband has committed fornication?
ANSWER: God had joined the man and woman together for life (Matthew 19:6; Romans 7:1-3). One of two things can scripturally dissolve that union according to God, i.e., fornication or death. The man committed fornication through entrance into an unholy and adulterous marriage relationship that was not sanctioned by God. I believe the answer to the question lies with, and in, the veracity of items (3) and (4) above. If the woman is “totally innocent” in the matter; did not contribute to, or cause, the separation; did not want the separation or the divorce; fought both with all her being; and kept herself totally faithful to her marriage vows throughout, I have come to believe that, under these unique circumstances, such an innocent one may remarry another provided that the one she becomes joined to is also scripturally free to remarry.
It must be noted, on the other hand, that one may not, in any way (including the withholding of oneself sexually, I Corinthians 7:1-5), contribute to a separation or divorce; may not have an attitude of not caring one way or the other; may not secretly want the divorce; may not arrange to out-wait a partner to see who will be the first to commit fornication, and then claim the right of scriptural remarriage. In such cases, one would not be free to scripturally remarry!